I'll bring home the bacon, but you have to cook it
The other day, I read an article that was in no way a surprise, but interesting nevertheless. It was about how women are increasingly becoming the primary income earners in their households.
To summarize, the number of wives earning more than their husbands has been on the increase for several years, but this trend has jumped significantly since 2007, largely as a result of the recession. One reason for this change is that men have been impacted much more than women by the waves of job losses over the past year. Women now make up half or slightly more than half of all adults employed in the United States.
So where does this leave the men?
In many cases, still job-hunting. Other men are starting their own businesses. Some men are embracing domestic duties, taking a leading role in chores and childcare. Although the situation of wives stepping up to be the primary income earner doesn't necessarily sit well with everyone, poll evidence suggests that more and more couples are becoming increasingly accustomed to and comfortable with the idea of women being the family breadwinner.
One reason why women may be impacted less by layoffs than men in the United States is that women still earn less on average. One unintended consequence of women being the family breadwinner is that many families are making do with less income, leaving them more vulnerable to financial disaster if something happens to Mom's job.
Personally, I haven't seen this situation much in either my work life or among my friends. I work predominantly with men, most of whom either have wives who work part-time or stay home with the kids. Among my married and cohabitating friends, both partners generally work and I don't have a clear idea of who makes more. In the rare cases where one partner works part-time or is out of work altogether, it's usually the woman. (For what it's worth, I'm only referring to straight friends in this last instance. I haven't seen this situation with my gay friends to date.) According to some of my friends, however, many of their colleagues are women with male partners who are stay-at-home dads, to everyone's apparent satisfaction.
If you're married or living with someone, who is the primary income earner in your household? Are you happy with the way things are, or would you rather change? Why?
13 retorts:
I outearn my husband about 2 to 1 and also grew up in a household where my mum outearned my father, which was a bit of an oddity in 70s/80s Ireland (she is still the breadwinner at almost 60). Neither of us credits the situation with tremendous importance although I definitely feel, probably incorrectly, that I have less option than my husband to take a lower paying job or a career break. I hear you about the lower paying jobs, but the reality of my circle is that a lot of my female friends outearn their men when both have good jobs.
I'm the only breadwinner in our family; my husband stays home to take care of the house (our kids are adults; one living on her own, the other with us and in college). We're both happy with the arrangement. When I graduated, and went to work, he retired and became a househusband. It's lovely.
I'm single, but ultimately wouldn't care which person made more...I'd be more concerned with which person spent more...if that makes sense. :)
We have been at both ends of the spectrum in our family. There was a year or so where my wife made about three times what I earned, and other times when I have made far more than she did. Now I am in school, and this leads her to be the primary breadwinner, although I help as much as I am able. She also has worked to keep our health insurance for the family, which I greatly appreciate. We are viewing this as a team effort to achieve our goals together, no matter who earns more.
Jerry
www.leads4insurance.com
My husband makes a LOT more than I do, and sometimes I wish I were pulling more weight, but we are doing fine financially and have no children. If he lost his job, that could be a problem, but not immediate panic because we have a health emergency fund. If I made more than him, I'm not sure how we would feel--it hasn't happened yet!
I've been the sole earner for almost 2 years, after 23 years of having 2 incomes and sharing the household costs. It does cause problems, as I am MUCH more conscious of costs and thrift than the person who now does all the shopping. Naybe not the ideal division of labor! And the change to one income has its stresses (saving for 2 retirements on one salary, for example) but I'm sure the working husbands out there with stay at home wives feel much the same.
Snork Maiden earns more than me roughly $A70k vs. $A60k. That's because officially I'm working part-time - in reality just a way of fitting my salary into the budget while giving me a higher level of seniority to put on my resume. I don't mind which one of us earns more than the other.
I earn twice as much as my husband. Unfortunately, I resent it at times, because I feel pressure to earn the money, take care of the home, and take care of 2 small children.
I make about 20% more then my boyfriend (we live together) - which translates to about $8,500 (gross). At this point, it really doesn't matter to either of us who makes more/less. As long as we are both maxing out our potential in our current career paths, that's what matters.
re: Guinness416 "I have less option than my husband to take a lower paying job or a career break." I'm in this position too - husband has a fulfilling, 'heartwarming' career in a non-for-profit organization that pays peanuts, while I double his salary in a soul-killing job. I want to make a change while I'm still youngish (mid-30s), but can't pull the trigger because of the financial balance in the house. I resent it sometimes.
Thanks, everyone - I don't have much to add except that my ex and I made roughly the same amount when we started living together, and his salary was double mine by the time we divorced but I still paid 50% of our living expesnes. I didn't want to admit that it bothered me, but it did.
"I didn't want to admit that it bothered me, but it did." This is so true - I want to keep the financial 'petty-ness' out of my relationship, which is wonderful on most fronts, but it is there. When DH was contracting, he would contribute to the household budget sporadically - when he had work and invoices being paid. So I learned to manage on my salary with his for extras. But now that he's steadily employed, I feel he should contribute more to savings/retirement to make up the shortfall of prior years - he's not onboard (yet). But I don't want to make a issue of it...
Michelle - I wish I had something intelligent to say here, but not being on the same page about money was a major contributor to my divorce. I hope you're able to find a resolution that works for you both.
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